One year ago, One month from now.

One month from today is my 25th birthday.ohfuck.i'm not quite sure how to feel about this.No, it's not really a big deal, but I see it as the first of the "un-fun" birthdays. You know, the ones before this are usually pretty awesome.When you're One, you get to put your face in a cake. At Sixteen, you get your Driver's License (for me, this was 14, but whatevs.I had to drive around with a broken ball bearing in my truck.be jealous.) And then there's Eighteen, when you get your "independence," and of course, the most infamous Twenty-One. My most vivid memory of my twenty-first was riding in the back of an El Camino with my friend Mike from Sixteenth Street to Aggieville. Good times.

                                                       those cars are going the wrong way down Moro!! 

OK.So, back to being 25.I know, it's just a number, you're only as old as you feel, etc.,etc...but I'm not worried about the number, or the fact that I'm a quarter century old. Nope, not at all. Truthfully, I just keep thinking about WHO I AM AT 25. So many questions. Was this who I thought I would be? No, but I truly like myself. Am I happy where I am? Yes, mostly. Do I have great friends and family who love me? Yep. So far, so good. And then the kicker. Am I proud of the things I have done, for who I've been and for who I've loved? UGH. Um....well, see, yes and NOOOOOO. I haven't always been the most upstanding citizen. Sorry Molly. 

Sure, I've done lots of cool stuff. I've been to great festivals,had good food, met a PLETHORA of interesting people, and I have some pretty epic tales to tell about all of these things.Plus, the love affairs were wunnerful. But it keeps getting at me that those things just aren't all that important. Realizing this...led me to wonder about what IS important. And I have NO IDEA. I don't think I'm suppose to.And I know I said that the plethora of people I know isn't that important, but I am 99.9% sure he is the father. It takes a village to raise a child, after all. I think it might take an entire county to raise this almost-25 year old.

                                                                                 what a lovely place.

I have so many feelings about being 25. I look at other people my age (I think I have 10 friends in my close vicinity also turning 25 in the next 3-4 months, and some who have already celebrated) and I can't help but wonder if they feel the same way I do. Are they wondering as blindly through this cold night as I? I freaking hope so.Maybe we can combine our energy and teach each other things. Wouldn't that be awesome? Oh. Wait. I'm being told we already do that. Man, we rock. Most often, I think about where I was one month from 24. Baby, I've come a long damn way. And it sucked. Good riddance, 24. You were a rough, rough year. Rough. I actually have amends to make for the things you did, 24. I was NOT cool. Man..the more I think about it, the more 24 sucked. And it's being capped off by mono. 

So here it is. I'm leaving 24 a battle hardened all-powerful amazon warrior. I've seen some shit this year, y'all. To be honest, it wasn't all bad. I did get to go to Disney. I just can't believe that just a year ago I was a fresh young newbie entering the workforce. And that first job, it was a doozie. Let me tell you. If you don't really want to work for it, marry a DUI attorney. That's all I'm gonna say. And I was in a very committed relationship that was making me miserable, but I felt powerless to escape. 24 saw the death of that, and it has made me such a more complete person.I totally get it now. As I face 25, I can see that while 24 was an incredibly hard year, it is part of that brick foundation that will help me answer my ultimate question, to which the answer is 42. I'm okay with the people I loved during 24. I did regain some mucho importante amigos..Georgia Peach, The Druid, Bass Lady, and Princess Sagging Buns..oh how I love you. Bass Lady, I should write a post just about you. Really. Thanks. You were like a defibrillator on my broken heart. Now come cut my hairs. :)

While I wouldn't replay the past year of my life..for anything..ANYTHING, I am so thankful that it happened. Mainly because I don't think you can be 25 without being 24..something about counting and numbers, but also because I feel like maybe it opened my eyes a little bit. Like I'm not quite as blind as I was one year ago. It is almost as if 24 was just a test.To see if I was paying attention to the direction my life was headed in..to ask if the energy coming from me and those directly around me is the energy that I want to influence my happiness. I'm glad I took the warning. Twenty-Five is looking like it's going to be awesome. With a start like Wakarusa, of course it will be. I hope that in one year, I'm sitting in bed writing about how sweet 25 was, and how I'm looking forward to 26. Oh the changes! I'm so excited. 

See? Lots of feelings.