Molly

perhaps i should have started writing this blog sooner.my mind is a finely tuned piece of machinery, and it runs constantly. i fully believe that we should all function like this. i sit and think, and think, and think..until i realize that it is 12:45, i have to be to The Emporium at 1:00, and i've not yet started to de-wrinkle my clothing, which is in a pile, on the floor, NEXT to the laundry basket. yikers. i spent the day today thinking about what I wanted to write on here when I got home. where to start, what to share (I'll use discretion.thanks, Molly) and how to share it. i'm a bit nervy about writing this blog, too. will people hate it and think i'm a fool? i can handle being a fool. do it all the time. but what if people hate this? ugh. the thought makes me a little nauseous. this kid doesn't do hate very well.

hate. what a good place to start. see, i'm from Kansas. yes, that same devoid wasteland that has produced such wonders as Carrie Nation and that jerkface fred phelps. Fred and I have had our run-ins over the years. Such a lovely band of people, Westboro is. So let's talk about hate, and Kansas, and Molly. I have never been able to understand hate. ever. yes, i strongly dislike people and things, but hate just isn't a part of my soul. i don't get where it comes from.Mick and Molly raised me on love. Really. We didn't have much, but I always had my momma, and my poppa, and even when i didn't really have MY poppa (yes, explanation needed.), everything was still going to be okay. 

as a kid, Molly and i would have discussions about what it meant to be accepting and tolerant. i was on every sports team imaginable, and Molly would come to all of my games, no matter how far. i always chose to ride home with her, instead of on the bus, and we would talk about anything, and everything. i kept my biggest secret for college and a long night of whiskey drinking (more on that to come), but i always knew that no matter what I needed, she would be there with a hug and an encouraging word. Mick and i had more of a strained relationship (and a very rocky road), but he (we) came around and now i can't imagine things having happened any differently than they did. They were wonderful parents, and Molly's liberal librarian ways are visible in almost everything i do.
Molly does hate. she hates hate. i remember her crying when the oklahoma city bombing happened. i remember talking with her on 9/11, about what it meant and why we were targeted that day. i remember her describing fred phelps protesting the funeral of a family member, and why that was wrong. i also remember my first encounter with phelps. i was 4, the same year i knew i was a lesbian. Aunt Bee, Molly, Perfect Child and i were in Topeka to see Cats, my first musical (4 was a big year for me). Phelps and his band of evil were protesting because "all dancers are fags". how positively interesting.since then, there have been many more encounters. it seems like he is everywhere. at college, at high schools, funerals, outside city hall. the man is like a bad virus. a really, really bad virus.
If I have learned only one thing from Molly, it is love. Because she loved me so much, I love others so much more. Please, if you're a parent and you read this, make sure you're raising your child on love. It's like Vitamin C for one's soul. Not chicken soup. Like Vitamin C, love heals, it protects, and too much of it might make you a little sick, but it probably won't kill you. Unlike hate. Hate devours those it touches. It's more like....carbolic acid. So. If you're a young woman (or man) reading this, know that there is love. Even if all you see is hate, and all you experience is someone telling you you're wrong for what you feel, or that someone else is wrong for what they look like, know that out there, someone loves you. I'll introduce you to my momma. She'll love you, too.
In summation, this post, which was written, re-written, edited, deleted and re-written, is to my mom. And though I know you aren't the hugest CSNY fan, this song reminds me so much of you.

You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by.
And so become yourself because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well, their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of the tender years can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth, they seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well, their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix,the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

EDIT: I've been thinking quite a lot about this post. It should have been two. Molly deserves a post all to herself, and so does Kansas, so I'm re-writing them. The Kansas post will be later on...and it will be, as Kansas is, epic.