Molly

perhaps i should have started writing this blog sooner.my mind is a finely tuned piece of machinery, and it runs constantly. i fully believe that we should all function like this. i sit and think, and think, and think..until i realize that it is 12:45, i have to be to The Emporium at 1:00, and i've not yet started to de-wrinkle my clothing, which is in a pile, on the floor, NEXT to the laundry basket. yikers. i spent the day today thinking about what I wanted to write on here when I got home. where to start, what to share (I'll use discretion.thanks, Molly) and how to share it. i'm a bit nervy about writing this blog, too. will people hate it and think i'm a fool? i can handle being a fool. do it all the time. but what if people hate this? ugh. the thought makes me a little nauseous. this kid doesn't do hate very well.

hate. what a good place to start. see, i'm from Kansas. yes, that same devoid wasteland that has produced such wonders as Carrie Nation and that jerkface fred phelps. Fred and I have had our run-ins over the years. Such a lovely band of people, Westboro is. So let's talk about hate, and Kansas, and Molly. I have never been able to understand hate. ever. yes, i strongly dislike people and things, but hate just isn't a part of my soul. i don't get where it comes from.Mick and Molly raised me on love. Really. We didn't have much, but I always had my momma, and my poppa, and even when i didn't really have MY poppa (yes, explanation needed.), everything was still going to be okay. 

as a kid, Molly and i would have discussions about what it meant to be accepting and tolerant. i was on every sports team imaginable, and Molly would come to all of my games, no matter how far. i always chose to ride home with her, instead of on the bus, and we would talk about anything, and everything. i kept my biggest secret for college and a long night of whiskey drinking (more on that to come), but i always knew that no matter what I needed, she would be there with a hug and an encouraging word. Mick and i had more of a strained relationship (and a very rocky road), but he (we) came around and now i can't imagine things having happened any differently than they did. They were wonderful parents, and Molly's liberal librarian ways are visible in almost everything i do.
Molly does hate. she hates hate. i remember her crying when the oklahoma city bombing happened. i remember talking with her on 9/11, about what it meant and why we were targeted that day. i remember her describing fred phelps protesting the funeral of a family member, and why that was wrong. i also remember my first encounter with phelps. i was 4, the same year i knew i was a lesbian. Aunt Bee, Molly, Perfect Child and i were in Topeka to see Cats, my first musical (4 was a big year for me). Phelps and his band of evil were protesting because "all dancers are fags". how positively interesting.since then, there have been many more encounters. it seems like he is everywhere. at college, at high schools, funerals, outside city hall. the man is like a bad virus. a really, really bad virus.
If I have learned only one thing from Molly, it is love. Because she loved me so much, I love others so much more. Please, if you're a parent and you read this, make sure you're raising your child on love. It's like Vitamin C for one's soul. Not chicken soup. Like Vitamin C, love heals, it protects, and too much of it might make you a little sick, but it probably won't kill you. Unlike hate. Hate devours those it touches. It's more like....carbolic acid. So. If you're a young woman (or man) reading this, know that there is love. Even if all you see is hate, and all you experience is someone telling you you're wrong for what you feel, or that someone else is wrong for what they look like, know that out there, someone loves you. I'll introduce you to my momma. She'll love you, too.
In summation, this post, which was written, re-written, edited, deleted and re-written, is to my mom. And though I know you aren't the hugest CSNY fan, this song reminds me so much of you.

You, who are on the road must have a code that you can live by.
And so become yourself because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well, their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix, the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

And you, of the tender years can't know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth, they seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents well, their children's hell will slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams, the one they fix,the one you'll know by.
Don't you ever ask them why, if they told you, you would cry,
So just look at them and sigh and know they love you.

EDIT: I've been thinking quite a lot about this post. It should have been two. Molly deserves a post all to herself, and so does Kansas, so I'm re-writing them. The Kansas post will be later on...and it will be, as Kansas is, epic.

Cast of Characters

Before I get too in-depth, maybe I should go over the Cast of Characters, and a few places too. Here some of them are.

Molly:My mom. Not her real name, but I've called her this off and on for quite a number of years. She's a saint.

Mick:My dad. Also not his real name, and also not a slur. He's a hardworking guy.

Perfect Child:My older sister.Enough said.

Prodigal Son:Big brother, also enough said.

Aunt Bee:Lovely, caring, micromanaging aunt. Like a second mother.

Boy Dog: Duh. My dog. Women usually love him more than they love me.

The BFF: Best friend since Day Uno of Kindergarten.Oh, how I love her. *this nickname will change..she's thinking about it.*

Bass Lady: College roommate, let me live with her when I got my new job, furnished my new house. 

Chef Man: Bass Lady's husband. Goofy, slightly overgrown twelve year old, generally.
The Georgia Peach (Peach): Other college roommate. Likes to get her hands dirty. Moved to GA a few years back.

The Attorney: Lives in San Francisco. Probably my soul mate, but she plays for the other team. Also, Canadian.

The Druid: Best friend from college. Grew up in a smattering of states..TX, WI, KS. Now lives in South Korea, where some genius gave him a job as an English Professor. 

The County Dwellers: My assorted, ragtag band of friends. Who are absolutely freaking amazing. Without them, I wouldn't be here. Includes a rancher, a chef, a teacher, a hippie momma and her brood, a homespun woman, and a bunch of beautiful musicians. And dogs.

The Lake Folk: The people who helped me survive my time in the last town I lived in. Wonderful, wonderful people. Includes mommas and their babies, tattoo artists, hardworking guys, and all around good people. Also, dogs.

Neeeeeeext, Places:

Home: A farm in central KS. Rife with dogs and love.

The County: A gorgeous place in the Flint Hills Region of KS. Who am I kidding..Chase County, Kansas.

The Emporium: The museum where I am privileged to work.

The Old Town: Where I used to live, and went to college. Home of The Lake Folk.

The New Town: Self-explanatory, no?

The women I spoke of? They'll likely get their own entries. I'm at The Emporium...so maybe I should get something done, eh?

who i be, what this is.

it struck me this morning, somewhere between my second and fourth cups of coffee, that i should start a blog.

 new job, new town, new life, why not write about what it means to be me. me. i liiiiiike this topic. could write all day about moi. there's probably something deeply psychological about this, but i choose to ignore it. back to me. typical midwestern girl story. born and raised in the country, daddy was a farmer and momma stayed home, i went to the culturally monotonous and typical small school, got good grades, and ran away to college..where i became a *gasp* lesbian! ok well, i've been a lesbian since..oh...birth, and realized as such about age four, but like the "good" girl i was, suppressed it until college, when it is, of course acceptable to come out. and boi, did i. riding a unicorn over the rainbow.

 since then, my life has been a veritable parade of women, the important ones as following. the beautiful experiment in love and travel (belt), the radically expressive desert dweller (redd), and finally, the one who obsessively collects debris (ocd). of course, there were some others in there, but these three..phew. i'll write about them all some more...later. i'll write about all of this some more later. i want my blog to be a place where people can learn what it is like to be an ordinary young lesbian in a small town.i know, i know, there are plenty of blogs like that, but i find that i'm always looking for a new lezblog to read. so welcome. if i get no followers, i'll still write. i'm a historian, by the way. writing is my woosaw.